The ‘W’ word

 Hello! Happy Tuesday!

I wish I had known when I became pregnant that along with the new life growing in my body I would develop a new neurosis. One that Mother’s before me had tried to warn me about but I never truly grasped until the day I saw the solid pink line indicating that I was in fact ‘with child’. What neurosis you ask? Worry. I lived 9 months in a constant panic stricken state.

I was always a worry wart growing up. I spent part of my childhood afraid to close my eyes at night thinking I may not wake up after hearing that a distant relative died in her sleep. Unnatural? Yes. As an adult, what is more stressful than knowing that there is a human being growing inside your body. A little tiny person who is dependent on you and your every action, starting from when they are just a bunch of cells, until they grow from the size of a bean to a watermelon (although a bean would be much easier to deliver!)

I wasn’t a smoker or drinker and was an avid walker and healthy eater so what did I have to worry about really? Well, for starters, according to the internet sites I found myself surfing at all hours of the day, I was to give up half the food I liked to eat. Goodbye sandwiches with processed turkey! Chocolate? See you in reduced moderation. I was probably a bit paranoid because I went to the extreme….forget the doctor, if the internet said not to do it, I didn’t do it. If someone else’s baby was born with 12 toes, I couldn’t risk that happening to me now could I? Ha!

It was the constant worry surrounding my body that caused me to panic. Here I was, gaining weight like a bear (okay that is an exaggeration because I only gained 20lbs when I was pregnant, but still, I felt huge), sleeping too many hours of the day, and experiencing something that I had heard of before but had my doubts about- baby brain! Trust me when I tell you that it is real and it, like my worry, did not go away. It is embarrassing really. I will save those stories for another day. So here I was, pregnant, living in what felt like someone else’s body. It wasn’t always as fun and magical as some people made it out to be.  Imagine asking your doctor if you would ever see your feet again (and if they’d ever go back to their regular size) because trust me, you really don’t think it is possible (that goes for several body parts going back to normal shape, not just feet ;-)) Or how about going to the doctor for every ache and pain you experience, wondering if it is normal or if it just another discomfort to be chalked up to the fact that your body is ‘stretching’ to make room for the baby. Better safe than sorry I say, so another trip to the doctor’s office would be made. I actually went to the doctor, without an appointment, because I was ‘relieving myself’ too many times a day. Turns out being pregnant was causing me to have a touch of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Lovely. Add that to the Diabetes that I developed while pregnant and I was in for a world of fun (and worry).  

Was all the worry worth it? Of course. Did this neurosis end when my son was born? No it did not. It increased tenfold. Once your little bundle leaves your body the worry just changes….is he eating enough, crying too much (oh no, is he colicky?). Wait, what is that red spot on his face? Is he too warm or too cold? How come he hasn’t pooped in two days, why is his poop that color? It goes on and on and on. Even now at 11 months when everything goes in his mouth and he is starting to crawl and stand  I worry he might eat something he shouldn’t or get a reaction or fall and hurt himself. I am sure once he is 50 I will worry less. Ha! Probably not. What if he decides to move away from me when he hits 18? I am getting ahead of myself here….he’s still in diapers.

So when you get pregnant and become a parent, you not only get a new life to celebrate, you get to kiss your chances at a good night sleep goodbye, based on the fact that you will spend the rest of your days & nights worrying 😉 Worth it?? HELLLL YESSS!

Hugs & Smiles