Excuse me time, but where did the last 11.5 months go? As I mentioned before, I am not good with change, thus I am not ready for the changes that will be happening for me and A in one week’s time. In fact, the transition has already begun. Life as we know it (for the past 11.5 months anyways) is changing as of tomorrow. No longer will I spend 24/7 with my sweet boy as he will be going to daycare! Okay, okay, so tomorrow and all this week he is only there for a couple of hours a day, but still, next week he will be there full time- 9 hours a day! I am so used to being home with him all day, everyday, so having someone else care for him is hard to fathom. It is hard for any Mother I am sure. Part of me wants to write an encyclopedia for the sitter on the things she should know about him, how I do things and his everyday routine, but that would cross the line into borderline obsessive control freak, so I won’t because I don’t want to scare her off. I also have to accept that she won’t do everything the way I do. His life is going to change, just as much as mine.
It feels strange leaving my son in someone else’s care. It has nothing to do with trust. I trust the woman who will be caring for A, in fact she has become a friend over the last few months. It is just that he has spent the last 11.5 months with me 99% of the time! Where my family does not live here and my husband works shift work, it is mostly me. He has been babysat before, but mostly when he was asleep. So this is big for me. Big for him. We had a trial run last week, it didn’t go as well as I had hoped in the sense that he cried a fair bit. He was overwhelmed and I guess in his mind, his Mommy was gone and she was not coming back (okay, here come the waterworks). He was in a stranger’s house, with strange little people running around. He was temporarily distracted by crackers and cheerios, but even they didn’t do the trick (that is how I know this is serious)! So for the past few days I have been holding him longer, kissing him more (if that is possible) and trying to tell him that things are going to change and he will be spending time with the sitter but that I will always come back. He doesn’t know what I am saying of course and instead just continues to drool all over me, but it makes me feel a tiny bit better.
I am trying not to be a sook about this. I have watched my sister and friends go through it and I never really understood. I always said ‘things would be fine’ and they were, but now that I am in their shoes, it is harder than I thought it would be. I understand why they cried and lost sleep. I know daycare is great for a child, don’t get me wrong. It gives them a chance to make new friends and learn new things! At this point in his life, I can’t give him (at home alone) what he will get from being in daycare, I realize that. But at this point in time, that doesn’t seem to help. The fact is I want another year with my son. I will always want more time with him. I just keep thinking that the time we will spend together in the early mornings, evenings and weekends, will be that much more special.
I hope I don’t drive the sitter nuts by calling too many times in a day or popping by on my lunch break. haha! I know the first week will be the hardest as we both learn to adjust to our new daily routine. I can’t wait for the days when I pick him up at daycare and he is smiling and playing, and he sees me show up and he runs to be with open arms. No tears. That will make things easier. I know that day will come, it will just take time. I need to give him time to adjust and trust that this is the best for everyone. It is a part of life. If all the other Mom’s in my situation can get through this, so can I. I just hope I don’t shed too many tears.
Call me a sook if you want…..I just call myself a Mom.
Hugs & Smiles,