The ‘W’ word

 Hello! Happy Tuesday!

I wish I had known when I became pregnant that along with the new life growing in my body I would develop a new neurosis. One that Mother’s before me had tried to warn me about but I never truly grasped until the day I saw the solid pink line indicating that I was in fact ‘with child’. What neurosis you ask? Worry. I lived 9 months in a constant panic stricken state.

I was always a worry wart growing up. I spent part of my childhood afraid to close my eyes at night thinking I may not wake up after hearing that a distant relative died in her sleep. Unnatural? Yes. As an adult, what is more stressful than knowing that there is a human being growing inside your body. A little tiny person who is dependent on you and your every action, starting from when they are just a bunch of cells, until they grow from the size of a bean to a watermelon (although a bean would be much easier to deliver!)

I wasn’t a smoker or drinker and was an avid walker and healthy eater so what did I have to worry about really? Well, for starters, according to the internet sites I found myself surfing at all hours of the day, I was to give up half the food I liked to eat. Goodbye sandwiches with processed turkey! Chocolate? See you in reduced moderation. I was probably a bit paranoid because I went to the extreme….forget the doctor, if the internet said not to do it, I didn’t do it. If someone else’s baby was born with 12 toes, I couldn’t risk that happening to me now could I? Ha!

It was the constant worry surrounding my body that caused me to panic. Here I was, gaining weight like a bear (okay that is an exaggeration because I only gained 20lbs when I was pregnant, but still, I felt huge), sleeping too many hours of the day, and experiencing something that I had heard of before but had my doubts about- baby brain! Trust me when I tell you that it is real and it, like my worry, did not go away. It is embarrassing really. I will save those stories for another day. So here I was, pregnant, living in what felt like someone else’s body. It wasn’t always as fun and magical as some people made it out to be.  Imagine asking your doctor if you would ever see your feet again (and if they’d ever go back to their regular size) because trust me, you really don’t think it is possible (that goes for several body parts going back to normal shape, not just feet ;-)) Or how about going to the doctor for every ache and pain you experience, wondering if it is normal or if it just another discomfort to be chalked up to the fact that your body is ‘stretching’ to make room for the baby. Better safe than sorry I say, so another trip to the doctor’s office would be made. I actually went to the doctor, without an appointment, because I was ‘relieving myself’ too many times a day. Turns out being pregnant was causing me to have a touch of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Lovely. Add that to the Diabetes that I developed while pregnant and I was in for a world of fun (and worry).  

Was all the worry worth it? Of course. Did this neurosis end when my son was born? No it did not. It increased tenfold. Once your little bundle leaves your body the worry just changes….is he eating enough, crying too much (oh no, is he colicky?). Wait, what is that red spot on his face? Is he too warm or too cold? How come he hasn’t pooped in two days, why is his poop that color? It goes on and on and on. Even now at 11 months when everything goes in his mouth and he is starting to crawl and stand  I worry he might eat something he shouldn’t or get a reaction or fall and hurt himself. I am sure once he is 50 I will worry less. Ha! Probably not. What if he decides to move away from me when he hits 18? I am getting ahead of myself here….he’s still in diapers.

So when you get pregnant and become a parent, you not only get a new life to celebrate, you get to kiss your chances at a good night sleep goodbye, based on the fact that you will spend the rest of your days & nights worrying 😉 Worth it?? HELLLL YESSS!

Hugs & Smiles

Sonya

Advertisements

Silence is golden!

Hello!

Happy Monday!

I can’t speak for all mothers, but I know personally when I became a mother I started paying attention to things I never really acknowledged before. Like lawnmowers, snowblowers, fast cars with loud music and blaring drums coming from a neighbours house. Things that can interrupt silence. Specifically during nap time 😉 My son has always been a great napper!  95% of the time, I put him down with his nummy, blanket and lullaby and walk away and he falls to sleep right away, or he talks to himself or plays until he tires himself out. Either way, it’s awesome. That is what makes the days when he fights his naps much more frustrating because I wonder what his problem is, why he is pretending he doesn’t like his sleep all of a sudden. But when he naps I do something I shouldn’t do. I tiptoe around the house, trying my best not to make a sound. I have gotten a lot better over the past few months but I will admit that when he was younger I wouldn’t flush the toilet for fear of waking him! haha! Once I even took my slippers off walking down the hall (I laugh as I write this but it’s true, ask my sister). Ridiculous I know, but I was just paranoid. As a mother, the last thing you want is an interrupted nap!

I don’t know why I try so hard to create silence because when my hubby is home, there is no such thing. Trust me, there is nothing quiet about him. haha! We watch a movie and I want the volume on 9, he’ll turn it up on 20. He always wins. I guess he’s not afraid of me (or of the baby waking up). Yet A sleeps through it all. He even slept in an airport, on an airport chair, with the announcements going on overhead and people walking by so I don’t know why I am so afraid that the sound of me brushing my teeth will wake him up. It’s irrational, I know! And not healthy either because the last thing I need is for him to get used to silence while he sleeps or he’ll turn into a light sleeper. Plus, once he goes to daycare there won’t be silence during his naps.

I have gotten better but there are still a few things in my house we aren’t allowed to do during nap time. For one, my husband is not allowed to open the garage door (since it is directly underneath A’s room) or make smoothies (that blender is deafening)! lol. That is fair isn’t it? Or am I actually not improving in my paranoia at all? It’s normal to be a little bit quiet when a baby is sleeping right? Someone reassure me that I am not alone in this 😉

 I need to remind myself that the world doesn’t stop because my son is sleeping.  Even if it did, I’m pretty sure A would sleep through it.

Hugs & smiles,

Sonya

 

 

Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and mother’s to be. It is an exciting thing being a mother, so it is nice to have a day dedicated to us Mommy’s so others can show us how much we are appreciated 😉 We deserve at least that right?

My Mother’s Day has been pretty quiet. Just me and my little man today. I have an almost 11 month old son,  A, who is the sweetest little guy. He is so pleasant, has a smile that could melt your ice cream, and sleeps through the night. He is a good boy. (God I hate that I even said that. But he is good….I just hate when strangers in the supermarket ask you if your child is a ”good” baby. I feel like asking them to define what they mean by good. Does he cry sometimes, of course…..so does that make him bad? Does he always listen to me? No, he is 11 months old. Again, is he bad? I always just nod politely and say “YES”). Anyways, back to my Mother’s Day. My husband was out of town all weekend so I didn’t get to sleep in or get pampered….my day started at 6:30am as usual. Not only that but A is teething pretty bad so he isn’t himself lately. A tad fussy and whiney and just gets mad over the strangest things. Not like him at all…it better be a phase that’s all I am saying. I sound tough but there really isn’t much I can do about it if it is not a phase now is there? I am not lying when I say there were a few times today I wished I was the one playing hockey this weekend. I live in a different province than my family so I don’t even have the luxury of support or help, or pawning A off at my parents house to get some time to myself.

I am sure I was told by many, just never believed it, but Motherhood is freakin’ hard work! Wow! It is never ending and you don’t get a break 😉 My hubby works shift work so I spend a fair amount of time alone with A. So I carry majority of the responsibility. It tests every ounce of patience you have, every fibre of your being and sometimes I feel like a horrible mother when I find myself screaming into my living room couch pillow, begging for my son to stop crying when he is fighting his nap. Come on, what mother hasn’t done that? ha! But I have come to realize over the last 11 months that that does not make me a bad mother. That makes me normal. I am not the only mother out there who gets frustrated. You just don’t hear those stories or read those statuses on Facebook very often though….most people only post or tell the cute and funny stories. Not the ones where you thought you’d end up bald because you were pulling all your hair out. Unless you have a best girl friend or sister (like I do) who you can call with the sole purpose of venting about your child. No judgement. If you don’t have that person, find one, because you need one. It may or may not be your husband. It’s nice to have someone on another (parent) team to vent to. Because this is damn hard work. But it is also the most rewarding. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. You never truly understand this love until you have a baby of your own. Then everything changes and life as you knew it is, well, over. This is not a bad thing though, don’t get me wrong 😉

Why can’t everyday be Mother’s Day?

Hugs and smiles,

Sonya

Welcome!!

Hi!

Welcome to my blog!  My name is Sonya and I have always enjoyed writing, so I figured why not start a blog and get my thoughts out for the world to read. Strange thing for a private person like me to do, but the way I see it is, as a new mom I know there are other moms out there who are going through similar experiences as I am, so why not share my feelings (the good and bad) to reassure myself, and others, that I am not alone.

I have lots to say….so start reading 😉 Check back often because I’ll be here!

Hugs and smiles,

Sonya