When I grow up

Hello!

Happy Sunday!

Ahh….Sunday! My least favorite day of the week. Well I don’t enjoy Sunday evenings anyway (because it’s a work night). In fact, I start thinking about how much I dread Sunday evenings on Saturday evening. Weekends go by too darn fast! I loved mat leave because everyday was the same! Monday, Wednesday, Sunday- what did it matter? I had no obligations to be anywhere, report to anyone. If I wanted to run errands in the middle of the day, I could! If I wanted to spend 3 hours at the mall, I could (not that I did, but hey, if I wanted to there was nothing stopping me). If I didn’t want to get dressed or showered, I could! Now that I am back to the Monday- Friday, 8- 4:30pm work week, I miss my freedom. I miss my son.

Don’t get me wrong, ‘A’ is doing wonderfully at daycare….he’s very well adjusted, but it doesn’t make me miss him any less. I come home on my lunch break and I see his toys and empty highchair and it makes me sad. I have been told that this will pass, that I will learn to enjoy the quiet, empty house. Well, so far it hasn’t happened. When 4:30pm comes along, I can’t get to the sitter’s house fast enough. I literally run to my car and fly home! It honestly feels that way. I am surprised I haven’t received a speeding ticket. Good thing it is only a 4 minute drive, I’d never be able to last any longer. One day I almost got stopped by a train. That would not have been pretty. I would have looked like a mad woman, sitting in my car screaming at a moving train. I just love 4:34pm everyday when I can see my boy. It is what gets me through the day.

While I enjoy the adult interaction associated with being back to work, I really think I could be a stay at home Mom. The only thing is, I do enjoy that my son is getting to interact with other kids at daycare and he can’t get that at home. I know, I know, you are thinking ‘hey, you can solve that problem, just have more babies’. As I said in a previous post, all in good time! Prior to getting pregnant, I didn’t think I would want to be a stay at home mom. I didn’t think it was for me. I know a few Mother’s who say they definitely wouldn’t be able to do – that of course they love their kids whole heartedly but they just need to work outside their home, away from their kids. I understand and appreciate that for sure. I’d just love to be home everyday with my son, but I would still like to earn an income. So hmmm……how can I make THAT happen? haha.

Even if I were a stay at home Mom, I would have to do something on the side, for myself. Like this blog, or other writing avenues. I think if I earned a living doing something I was truly passionate about, something that I was born to do, things would be different and I would be less inclined to want to stay home. I envy my husband for having a career that he loves. He was born to do it- and he is good at it. He goes to work with a smile on his face and he doesn’t dread any day of the week. How many people have that? I want that. I just don’t know what it is I was ”born” to do. I didn’t know in Grade 4 what I wanted to be when I grew up like some of my friends (right JC?). I just earned my Business degree because I figured it was a valuable degree to have. It didn’t matter to me at the time, during the 5 years of university, that Business didn’t interest me. Well it should have mattered to me. I should have done something that allowed me to concentrate on my love of writing. Oh well….you live and learn right? I guess it’s never too late.

Until I figure out what I want, I would love to stay at home with my son. But that won’t pay the bills, so hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work I go.

Is it Friday yet?

Hugs & Smiles,
Sonya

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2 thoughts on “When I grow up

  1. Leigh Ann says:

    You’re in my head. I had this EXACT conversation with Peter today. He loves work, doesn’t dread it, puts in overtime because he cares about his job and wants to and not because he’s expected to. I on the other hand do not share that passion. Only one month into mat leave, I asked him today how I can make money doing something I love and possibly from home or on the side so that I can spend the toddler years with my beauty of a daughter! I wouldn’t be opposed to part time day care for the socialization aspect for her, but I want time too!! But probably a pipe dream. Like you said, doesn’t pay the bills!

    I really enjoy reading your column Sonya. I hope that your writing for the newspaper turns into something even bigger for you! That is something you were meant to do!

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