I’ve always been a sensitive and emotional person. Pre-pregnancy I would cry at 90% of Grey’s Anatomy episodes. It only got worse when I got pregnant. It didn’t take much to make me cry those days! At 8 weeks all it took was our first meal in our new house and I broke down. My husband didn’t know why I was crying (I didn’t either, damn hormones) and assumed I didn’t like the stir-fry.
Prior to becoming a Mom, I could watch TV shows (like Grey’s Anatomy or Private Practice) with storylines about pregnant women with complications or parents with sick babies and appreciate that it was sad, and maybe even shed a tear. But it wasn’t until I was pregnant that I found such shows difficult to watch. Now, I find such story lines unimaginable. Since having A, I get emotional over any story line on any show between a mother and her child. Such shows that don’t have a happily ever after stress me out because as I watch I begin to think ‘what if that happened to me’?
This past Saturday night I had a sleeping baby and a working husband so I figured why not catch up on some shows! Bad idea. I turned on Private Practice season finale from last season and it was about a pregnant woman whose baby didn’t grow a brain. Far fetched? Probably, but I don’t work in the medical field so I have no idea how common this is….probably not very, but anyways, I kept watching. The mother wanted to harvest the baby’s organs after he was born and donate them to other babies. Watching the show pretty much tore my heart out. I cried and cried until I seriously thought I might throw up. Yes, yes, you are probably saying “it’s a show, it’s a TV show. It’s not real’. I get that, I repeated that to myself over and over while I was watching it. But the fact is, it may be a fictitious show, but I am a Mother. A real mother. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would feel if that were me.
After the show was over I should have watched something else to help me forget about what I had seen. A few mind numbing minutes of the Kardashian’s would have done the trick….but instead I went to my son’s room, kissed his forehead and held his finger for a few minutes then went to bed. Tossed and turned, tossed and turned. I don’t remember my dream from that night, but I am sure it wasn’t about rainbows.
Watching a show like that did one more thing for me though (other than break my heart). It reminded me of how lucky I am. Not that I take it for granted, but sometimes I get caught up in the frustrating whines, the early rises, the tantrums and the constant reminder to keep little fingers out of toilet water to appreciate how truly lucky I am, every minute of everyday, to have a healthy, happy and safe child.
So the next time a tantrum is thrown, I will lean over and kiss A’s head and wipe away his tears. My patience may be short lived so to remind myself of how lucky I am I will re-watch Private Practice. Ha! NOT A CHANCE……my Mommy brain isn’t that far gone to relive THAT. I will just take a few minutes to myself and re-read this post.
Feel free to do the same 😉
Hugs & Smiles,