These past few weeks have been a roller coaster. Just this morning I found myself singing the theme song to the 1980’s TV show, The Facts of Life. “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life”. I haven’t thought of that show in years….but yet here I was singing the theme song? The mind works in strange ways.
When you sign on for parenthood, you obviously sign on to care for another human being. Along with that responsibility comes stress, stress and more stress. Well, I have been stressed to the max these past two weeks. For two reasons (and there better not be a third).
Since A was born I’ve developed new fears. Some natural, some probably a bit extreme. Being a klutzy person by nature, I am afraid I am going to drop my son when I am walking or I’ll fall (particularly on ice) with him in my arms. And of course, stairs. I HATE stairs. I didn’t hate them until 8 days ago. Now I do, with good reason.
I will spare you the long details of how it happened and tell you that it did happen. In two split seconds ”A” went from being safely in our living room to the top of our stairs. Then down the stairs. I didn’t have the gate up (bad Mommy I know) because we were getting ready to go out and I was just about to pick him up and carry him down! I was watching him, I had my eyes on him. Then for two seconds I diverted them somewhere else and yes, that is all it took.
Turns out I did tell you the long details, so I might as well keep going. He reached for the toy he dropped (he wasn’t even going for the stairs, just happened to be near them when it happened) and when he leaned down to get them, down he went. Head fist. What did I do? I started screaming. I was 0.5 seconds too late but I ran down the stairs after him in hopes of trying to catch him. Picture a doll being thrown down the stairs, and the sound of that doll’s hard head hitting wood, then concrete. Well that was how pleasant this experience was.
A was fine. He is fine I should say. He was back to normal within minutes (and after a few cuddles). He was talking, squealing, playing, laughing, eating and acting like nothing happened literally minutes later. He may have had an ugly, startling looking doorknob size bump protruding from his forehead, but other than that, he appeared fine.
I monitored his behaviour, monitored him while he slept (a few hours later) and re-lived the ‘fall’ all night long. I couldn’t even get to sleep that night because I hated to close my eyes.
So another one of my worst fears had come true and this time it was 100% my fault. Yes accidents happen and they can happen to anyone but it shouldn’t have happened. I should have had the gate up. Damn it I should have had the gate up!!!!!!!!
Think of me what you may and say what you want about me but you can’t say anything that would make me feel any more guilty than I already do. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a neglectful parent, if anything I am the opposite. It just goes to show that things don’t always happen to ‘other people’.
Two days after this episode A got a runny nose. Big deal right? Well a few hours later he has a fever, the next day we are at the hospital being admitted to the pediatric ward with a very sick little boy being poked and prodded and on respiratory inhalers. It was far from fun and as much as I admire doctors and nurses, I hate (and I know that is a strong word), but I HATE hospitals. A was released the next day and received a clean bill of health yesterday. Things are turning around. Now, if only that knot in my belly would go away.
They say things happen in 3’s. Well I had two bad things, and my third was a good one. We found out yesterday that we will be moving back home. No longer will we be a province away from family and friends. We won’t need a plane or a boat ride to see loved ones. A will get to know his family and grow up with his little cousins. It was great news to end what has not been the best couple weeks of my life.
Will A get more bumps and bruises in his life? Will he get sick again? Oh yes, I am sure of it. It is hard to prevent both (accidents and illnesses) no matter how hard we try. As for the stairs incident, well I lived, I learned, now I will move on.
Moving on, afterall, is just another fact of life.
Hugs & Smiles