Wow, the last time I blogged was before Christmas. That is quite some time ago. A lot has happened since then. ”A” had his first bout of stomach flu that lasted almost a week and he’s had pink eye, twice. Oh and how can we forget his New Year’s resolution- to stop sleeping through the night. So yeah, I’ve been busy….and tired.
I am in a constant state of tired. I feel like I have a newborn again. I am sleep deprived and frustrated. Why? Because my 19 month son has decided that he doesn’t want to sleep for hours at night. This has been going on since New Year’s Eve. I guess it was his way of ringing in the New Year. He must have decided ”Why sleep when I can play’? Which means he is up. And so am I.
The fun part of this (ha! sense the sarcasm) is that I go to bed every night wondering what time he’ll wake up. It’s a fun game, feel free to participate. Will it be midnight or 3:30am or sometime in between? The 3:30am wake up last week was awesome, because it was 6am before he went back to sleep and my alarm for work went off at 6:15am. I was full of energy that day. How I managed to be productive I have no idea.
So here I am going to bed at 8:30pm just so I can have a few hours rest before he keeps me up all night. I need to be somewhat rested so I don’t lose my cool. Which I admit, sometimes happens. I have yelled into my pillow. I have cried. I have texted my husband at work in the early hours of the morning while he is at work telling him that I might be asleep in the car when he gets home. Or on the front lawn, at this point I am not picky.
I have tried everything from rocking him (which I haven’t done since he was about 4 months old) to cuddles to simply sitting in the rocker while he tries to sleep, to giving him milk and even letting him cry it out until he starts crying so hard he is gagging. Not very effective. I am fed up! I lie in bed listening to him in his room (because no matter what, he is NOT allowed out of there. No TV, no toys) and I watch the clock and get even more stressed out as the minute goes by because I know that I have to go to work in a mere few hours. I need to try to cover up the bags under my eyes and try to make my brain function. It’s not easy let me tell you.
I quickly realized that when it comes to sleep, you do what you have to do to make it happen. I didn’t want to start habits that would be hard to break but I was desperate. I did something I said I’d never do. I let A sleep in our bed! Not that there is anything wrong with co-sleeping but it wasn’t something I wanted to start with my child. And yet here I was, walking with my eyes closed into A’s room to pick him up and bring him into our bed. I’d kick my husband into the spare room (on nights he wasn’t working night shift) because there isn’t room for 3 of us and I’d spend the night with a foot in my back or an elbow in my neck. I didn’t care. As long as he was sleeping and I was sleeping, I’d do whatever it took. We both needed our rest. But that was short lived, he got sick of spooning with me pretty quickly. So back to square one we went!
My lack of sleep must be messing with my head because last weekend I did something else I didn’t think I’d ever do…..I slept on the floor next to his bed. I didn’t plan it and it didn’t help my bad back (which I must add is a result of pregnancy ;-)) but I did it. For 5 hours I slept on the floor. I had laid A in his bed, he was settled. When I tried to sneak out he started to get out of bed. So I laid on his floor. The second he realized I was there he went to sleep and stayed that way. So I grabbed a pillow and one of his baby blankets and cuddled up for a good night’s rest. Trust me, it was no Holiday Inn. It wasn’t even as good as the car would have been. But heck, he slept until morning and so did I.
One night I let him cry it out and after a little while there was silence. JACKPOT! When I went to check on him I found him curled up in a ball in the rocking chair. Seriously, does he just hate his bed? I was kinda jealous because it must have been more comfortable than the floor I had slept on nights before. Another time I let him cry it out and he just gave up and played, tore his room apart, diapers everywhere. I dozed off, woke up 2 hours later and he was still in there wandering around his cell (which is what it must feel like to him because I won’t let him out).
I am at a loss. I am hoping that, like many other things we have experienced, this is a phase that will pass. I am just getting tired of waiting. I am getting tired of being tired. I dread night time. I want my good sleeper back!!! Please, come back, I will never take those restful hours for granted again!!!!
So I would like to apologize to my family, friends and co-workers for constantly hearing me complain about this. As well as anyone who has seen my Facebook status over the last month. I apologize if you have had a conversation with me since the New Year and it seemed like my eyes glazed over while I went silent. It’s possible I took a cat nap.
I guess all I can do is wait for the night when as fast as it started, this insomnia stops. Until then I will catch a few ZZZ’s where I can. Let’s just hope it’s in my bed.
Hugs & Smiles,