Well here I am again….. typing “newborn poop” into google search. I went through this before, so shouldn’t I know this? Shouldn’t I remember what color and texture is normal for a newborn? I thought I should be more relaxed this time around, why am I losing sleep over poop…..AGAIN?
In some ways it is all new again, but in other ways it’s like I am a seasoned pro at this baby thing. It’s amazing how you just fall into a new groove, adjusting to the new change in your life. Yes, me! The girl who hates change! It’s only been 6 weeks and I can’t even remember what it was like only having one child- only that it was definitely easier (Kudos to all those parents who raise twins! I have a new found respect for you all)! I can’t imagine not having my second son in my life. And to think, I was so afraid that I wouldn’t have room to love two boys. How incredibly silly of me! What a waste of energy that was.
My second son Camryn (aka Cam) came into this world 6 weeks ago. I will never forget the moment he was born. Christmas music was playing in the background. When I heard him cry, I instantly started babbling like a baby. I mean, the unattractive boogers coming out of my nose cry. I couldn’t even stop if I wanted to! Jarrett was smiling with pride at the sight of his newest son, while he wiped away my boogers (god love him). I swore I’d never forget the Christmas song playing when the doctor held my son up for me to see. It was a wonderful moment. It was less than an hour later and I couldn’t for the life of me think of that damn song. Not even a single lyric. Stupid morphine! lol
I couldn’t wait for Aiden to meet his little brother for the first time. It really was a sweet moment and he became a protective older brother as soon as he laid eyes on Cam. But the sweetest moment of all was when he sat up on the hospital bed next to me and leaned in, brushed his nose with mine and said “Ugga Mugga”. If you haven’t watched Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood on PBS kids, you won’t have a clue what that means. But it is something the little tiger does on that show and Aiden started doing it to me. Granted, he sometimes says it to his teddy bear and blankie, but the point is it’s our special way of saying I love you 😉 And he did it, on his own, when I needed it the most. It honestly was the most heart warming experience I ever had with him. But again, that could have been the morphine. Hell, maybe it didn’t even happen 😉
Once we got home from the hospital it felt so weird having a newborn in the house again. The first few nights of course we had an all night party. The only thing is the only person who slept all day the next day was Cam. Me and my hubby didn’t have that luxury. After all, we have a second child to think about. The ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ rule doesn’t apply this time around…..not with a toddler running around who needs to be fed and supervised. This makes for a very tired Mommy. I stopped trying to cover the dark circles under my eyes and instead decided to embrace them. At least they add color to my otherwise pale face.
It’s hard to get sleep when the boys seem to conspire against me. When Aiden goes down for his lovely 2 hour daily nap, of course that is when Cam decides it is time to either 1) eat 2) poop 3) have gas pain or 4) just want to explore his surroundings. Damn! Same thing applies early in the morning. If Aiden sleeps later than usual (which has been happening a fair bit lately, thank goodness), then I can assure you that Cam will wake up to feed early. If Cam sleeps late, who decides to wake early? I will give you one guess (and it’s not me)! I can’t help but be jealous of anyone who is personally able to dictate when they want to go to bed and when they want to wake. It’s a luxury not to be taken for granted!
The boys also seem to be in sync with their pooping. What a treat! Aiden is still in the early stages of potty training so he is still doing his business in his diaper for the most part. One morning I left the living room for one minute, ONE, and came back in and my eyes started stinging and watering. Glade plug-ins have nothing on these boys let me tell ya. Then the real fun began…..who do I change first?
When Cam gets hungry he gives you about 5 seconds notice. I try to have the bottle ready and waiting so I don’t have to listen to the high pitched wails. Aiden was the same way. He’d wake up and that was it- the hollers started. I am finding I can’t get to Cam right away every single time, not like I did with Aiden. I can’t be there waiting for him to wake up. I am often feeding Aiden or cleaning dried play doh out of my carpet or folding laundry or heaven forbid, peeing! The second Cam cries, Aiden does one of two things (totally depending on his mood): 1) starts yelling at him at the top of his lungs to STOP!! 2) tries to comfort him by giving him his pacifier or his blankie or stroking his head 3) he gets upset about the crying and starts crying himself. Always fun, both of them freaking out. It really helps with my constant headache (caused by lack of sleep and eating only bread, granola bars and leftover scraps from Aiden’s plate).
Is it hard having two? Yes it is. The little things make it hard- for example, Aiden choosing to have a tantrum at the most inconvenient times over such things as me washing his favorite blankie (heaven forbid), or while I am elbow deep in baby poop (which of course seems to be an odd color). The Mommy guilt doesn’t help. I felt horrible the first morning Aiden got upset when he came into my room only to discover that I was already snuggling his brother. *Insert 6am meltdown*.Or how about me accidentally calling Cam by Aiden’s nickname. No tears but an obvious disapproving stare and lecture (yes, from a 2.5 year old). Let’s not forget that, without fail, when I am feeding Cam, that is always the time Aiden wants me to play blocks with him, or he decides that he needs something to drink or eat. Or he simply wants to cuddle. I’ve mastered the art of my chin holding the baby bottle so I can still use my hands. Doesn’t always work but I always try. I have to at least try.
In previous posts I talked about being worried about how Aiden would respond to his little brother. I didn’t want him to feel neglected or replaced. I didn’t give him enough credit (yet again). What I didn’t anticipate was me feeling isolated from Aiden. When I came home from the hospital, Aiden was so distracted by his Nanny’s and everything else that he didn’t pay much attention to me. Not the reaction I expected from my Mommy’s boy when I came home from the hospital. I will admit I had a good cry and moved on and thankfully my hormones went back to normal but I ended up feeling like the one who was replaced. Naturally, with Mommy spending so much time with the baby, Aiden has gotten closer to his Daddy. Daddy does bedtimes and bath now. He wants Daddy to play blocks. It is a huge help to me but makes me a little sad too. But then, every night when he calls out to Mommy after Daddy has left the room, and he asks me to sing him our song and he gives me a kiss (followed by Ugga Mugga), I am reminded that I have nothing to worry about. As long as I am living, my baby he’ll be.
Now I am lucky enough to have two babies. Two sweet boys who I know will love each other and hate each other over the years. Who fill fight, hurt one another’s feelings and probably even mine. There will be tears and laughter. And Band Aids, lots of Band Aids. But there will always ALWAYS be love. Seeing the way Aiden looks at his brother, and when he helps me sing him lullabies, it honestly makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. It makes everything else worth it- the lack of sleep, the messy house, the milk stained clothes and spit up matted hair, and of course, the pain my body endured bringing them both into this world. But I’ll save THAT for another blog. I think I’ve scared the childless, pregnant and mothers to only one child enough for one day 😉
Hugs & Smiles,