I saw a pregnant woman today. My guess is she was in her 7th month. When I looked at her I didn’t think “Oh, how beautiful!”. I thought “Oh, THANK GOD that will NEVER BE ME AGAIN”. Honestly, that was my reaction. Part of me felt bad for thinking that way. But a bigger part of me couldn’t stop smiling.
I do not want a third child. I am more than happy with my two boys and feel like my family is complete. There is no part of me that longs for a little girl. My husband, on the other hand, would love to have a third (in hopes of a girl), but I tell him daily that it won’t be happening. Not a chance. I think he is holding out hope that I’ll change my mind in a couple of years. I won’t. I. AM. DONE. This baby making machine is out of order. For life.
The thought of going through another pregnancy makes me want to hurl, not to mention the act of childbirth. Aside from those two things, I wouldn’t want to do the whole ‘baby’ thing again. I don’t want a newborn. Even though it is short lived, I am just not a fan of the early baby days. The crying and the gas. Then there’s the baby! LOL Seriously, throw in sleep deprivation and you’ve got yourself one heck of a party.
I am happy to be passed that stage. Camryn is almost 6 months old and I like this age. Not that I am wishing time away (because it goes too fast already), but from this point on I love every month even more than the last. He’s starting to explore, play, eat real food (well, baby food), hold my hand, even pinch and pull my hair (which I hope passes soon, that shit hurts!). He doesn’t just cry, poop and sleep. He’s like a little tiny person with a cute smile and hearty laugh. He has a personality now. He’s much more fun than when he was a newborn 😉
I have heard many mom’s say they felt sad when their youngest (and last) child would outgrow clothes or toys. They’d get emotional as they packed up their clothes or gave away their things. I assumed I’d feel the same way. HA! Boy was I wrong! I look like Ellen DeGeneres doing my happy dance as I fold clothes and bag them for goodwill! As fast as Camryn can outgrow something it’s already gone. And as for toys, I find myself contemplating giving away things he still uses. Like his baby swing. It takes up so much space in my living room. It’s almost time. I already have my Kijiji ad drafted. Just waiting for the right time to press post. Now that’ll be an exciting day 😉 I wonder how long he’ll need that crib? Is it too early for potty training?
I like having two kids. No one will ever feel like a third wheel, or feel left out. I won’t need to buy a mini-van. I can easily buy a Twix or Kit Kat bar and have them share without fighting. Our pull along wagon is a two seater. I have two hands, one for each child. It all seems perfect for me.
I feel like a horrible Mother saying all this, but I know I am not. I just know in my heart of hearts that my baby making days are over. I absolutely adore both my boys and am happy to have a front row seat as I watch them explore the world. I just love that I’ll never buy Size 1 diapers again. And as much as I love watching Camryn experience his ‘firsts’, I am not sad that I won’t experience that again with another baby. I have my babies. I am content. I am happy.
Every morning when I take my birth control pill, I can’t help but whisper “I love you” as I put it in my mouth. It cracks me up when I hear Aiden yell ”I love you too, Mommy” from the living room. He thinks I am talking to him. Which in a way I am because I love that I have him, but I also love that I won’t be having any more 😉
Hugs & Smiles,