Love and pressure


Ahhh….Valentine’s Day. A day not dissimilar to Mother’s Day where you have high expectations of being swept off your feet, pampered and dazzled with wine and chocolate.

Yeah, well not to sound bitter but I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Maybe I would be if my husband was romantic! haha. But it seems like a huge money racket to me. In saying that, I am rather hypocritical because I still expect a gift. Simply because it’s Valentine’s Day and if I am being honest when others ask me what I received, I don’t want to say nothing. It sounds so much more romantic to say flowers or dinner or chocolates. Some sort of expression of love. And with the exception of this year (when me and my hubby agreed not to exchange gifts), I usually get flowers. I can’t help but wonder if the gift I want is for me, or just so I can tell people what I got, or so I can keep up with all the pictures of flowers and jewelry on Facebook.

I found myself scrolling down my newsfeed on Valentine’s Day reading the sappy statuses and admiring everyone’s pictures of their beautiful V-Day gifts. I didn’t have high expectations for the day, therefore I wasn’t disappointed. I didn’t do a thing. It was a regular day, except for making Valentine’s crafts and cards with Aiden (which was fun). I ate some cheap chocolate in the shape of hearts and when the kids went to bed me and my husband watched a movie (one of the non-romantic variety) while I struggled to stay awake. I was still in bed by 10pm. Jealous? You should be 😉

What I would much rather is flowers on a day that doesn’t have a heart on it on the calendar. A day when the kids have been a handful and I haven’t had time to shower and my husband tells me to go take a nice long bubble bath, that he’ll feed and bathe the kids and put them to bed. Let me go to Walmart for 2 hours uninterrupted. Let me have a full night’s sleep. Let’s have a conversation like we used to, pre-kids, that doesn’t involve us talking about how many times our 1 year old pooped that day. Or bickering because our patience is hanging by a thread.

Or a date night. A night out where I don’t have to worry about the kids and I can relax and get a good night sleep and not have too early.

That’s what I want. To reconnect with my husband on a day that doesn’t put pressure on us.

The fact is, kids change everything in a relationship. Not necessarily for the bad, for the good as well! But anyone who has one child knows that things shift in a relationship when a baby is born. A baby that needs attention and love and becomes so important that it is easy to push your spouse to the side. Well, my friends, when you have two kids, things change even more.

Sometimes I am so busy with the kids (and exhausted) that I can’t remember if I kissed my husband goodbye when he went to work. He comes home and I try to ask him how his day was before I start telling him about Aiden’s tantrum or Camryn refusing to nap. Sometimes, although I am super comfy, I feel bad that I am in the same clothes I was in when he left that morning. Trust me, there are some days like that.

We get lost in our kids. We all do. How can we not? They are so consuming of our time and energy. So spouses bicker over little things and big things. Sometimes we forget to be the people we were before we had kids. When the only real worries we had were each other. I love my husband. I have loved my husband for 16 of my 33 years. On Valentine’s Day this year my gift to him was not punching him in the face when he was driving me crazy. That’s LOVE because I know if I didn’t love him, I would have punched him 😉

I probably don’t say I LOVE YOU to my husband daily. Yet I tell my kids a total of 1,145 times a day. I have good intentions but it gets lost amongst the shuffle of the day and instead those three words are often replaced with three more. What’s for supper?

One thing I can say that I love about Valentine’s Day (and one that I can thank my husband for) is the fact that I now have 3 Valentines. Small, medium and large 😉 And I loved my handmade card from Aiden as much as the one him and Daddy picked out from the store. I even loved the card from my husband (even if he did read it so fast that it had ‘Mother’ written on it and was scratched out and replaced with ‘Wife’ in his hand writing. I KID YOU NOT ladies, I KID YOU NOT!!! The boys were with him, so I will let it slide because I know how hard it is to shop with 56 pounds of distraction). Anyways, it wasn’t about the cards, it was about the people who gave them to me. My loves. Those are my gifts, on Valentine’s Day and every day.

And of course, there is always room for chocolate 😉

Hugs & Smiles,