Order Please

Hi!

Happy Wednesday!

I am known for being neat. I love to have things in order….is there anything wrong with that? Well I guess there is when you become obsessed (which I admit I kinda have). Immaculate…that is how I like things to be. Every piece of clothing in my closet belongs on a certain hanger, if you move anything in my house from it’s allocated space, I will immediately move it back. I kid you not when I tell you that when I was younger, my siblings, friends and even my now hubby would play tricks on me – they would move something in my bedroom to see how long it would take me to figure it out. I could have set world records I figured it out so fast. You can’t fool me! My  hubby would go a step above everyone else and actually tear apart my bed, throw my comforter in a pile in the middle of the bed and pillows on the floor, just to see my reaction (he’s lucky I married him! haha!). I squirm now even thinking about those tricks. How mean!! 

I will openly admit that perhaps I get a bit carried away, but I can’t help it! For example (and this is the only example you will get), in my kitchen cupboards, the cereal boxes are in a certain order. The multi-grain cheerios are always to the left of the regular cheerio’s. ALWAYS. The only other person I think would appreciate this fact would be Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory and he doesn’t even exist in real life! Bazinga!

I bet you are asking yourself how in the world I manage having a baby (almost 1 year old) in my house, tearing the place apart and causing many messes? Aside from the dried food crumbs on the kitchen floor, surprisingly, my house is still clean, neat and in order. The exception, of course, is his play area of the living room but I have to come to accept that that will never really be in order (although the toy organizer helps). There are still times when he is playing and drops a toy and moves onto another one where I will go over behind him and pick it up and put it away. Without even thinking!! I am getting better though! He must get so irritated with me because minutes later he will go get it again. I bet he is baby cursing at me in his head!! I don’t blame him. I know I have to get over this, and fast, as he gets older. When he was a newborn I couldn’t take the time to rest and relax, when he was napping, I was doing the dishes and laundry because I needed things in order. I physically took a longer time to recover from labor/delivery and had a few complications and my doctor told me it was because I was on my feet too much. I didn’t take the time my body needed to sit down and relax. I couldn’t help it…..seriously, I was like a machine.

In my kitchen, his bottles are lined up on the counter (in a certain order) and his plates/spoons/sippy cups all have a certain place. Goodness, it makes life so much easier (for me)! But as A gets older, I know things will change and the order in my house (and life) that I love so much will be lost. Which is fine, because the last thing I want for A is to feel like he can’t live and play in his own house for fear of making a mess. He can! I can be fun too! I just clean up the mess as soon as we are done 😉 Or perhaps I will make the clean up part of the fun. I do have to teach him to clean up after himself after all. He will learn early on to make his bed and keep his room clean. I guess it’ll be fine if he returns the cheerios box to the wrong place…..I’ll get over that (or more than likely I’ll move it when he isn’t looking). Nobody is perfect, right??

Hugs & Smiles,

Sonya

Life as we know it

Hello!

Happy Sunday!

Excuse me time, but where did the last 11.5 months go? As I mentioned before, I am not good with change, thus I am not ready for the changes that will be happening for me and A in one week’s time. In fact, the transition has already begun. Life as we know it (for the past 11.5 months anyways) is changing as of tomorrow. No longer will I spend 24/7 with my sweet boy as he will be going to daycare! Okay, okay, so tomorrow and all this week he is only there for a couple of hours a day, but still, next week he will be there full time- 9 hours a day! I am so used to being home with him all day, everyday, so having someone else care for him is hard to fathom. It is hard for any Mother I am sure. Part of me wants to write an encyclopedia for the sitter on the things she should know about him, how I do things and his everyday routine, but that would cross the line into borderline obsessive control freak, so I won’t because I don’t want to scare her off. I also have to accept that she won’t do everything the way I do. His life is going to change, just as much as mine.  

It feels strange leaving my son in someone else’s care. It has nothing to do with trust. I trust the woman who will be caring for A, in fact she has become a friend over the last few months. It is just that he has spent the last 11.5 months with me 99% of the time! Where my family does not live here and my husband works shift work, it is mostly me. He has been babysat before, but mostly when he was asleep. So this is big for me. Big for him. We had a trial run last week, it didn’t go as well as I had hoped in the sense that he cried a fair bit. He was overwhelmed and I guess in his mind, his Mommy was gone and she was not coming back (okay, here come the waterworks).  He was in a stranger’s house, with strange little people running around. He was temporarily distracted by crackers and cheerios, but even they didn’t do the trick (that is how I know this is serious)! So for the past few days I have been holding him longer, kissing him more (if that is possible) and trying to tell him that things are going to change and he will be spending time with the sitter but that I will always come back. He doesn’t know what I am saying of course and instead just continues to drool all over me, but it makes me feel a tiny bit better.

I am trying not to be a sook about this. I have watched my sister and friends go through it and I never really understood. I always said ‘things would be fine’ and they were, but now that I am in their shoes, it is harder than I thought it would be. I understand why they cried and lost sleep. I know daycare is great for a child, don’t get me wrong. It gives them a chance to make new friends and learn new things! At this point in his life, I can’t give him (at home alone) what he will get from being in daycare, I realize that.  But at this point in time, that doesn’t seem to help. The fact is I want another year with my son. I will always want more time with him. I just keep thinking that the time we will spend together in the early mornings, evenings and weekends, will be that much more special.

I hope I don’t drive the sitter nuts by calling too many times in a day or popping by on my lunch break. haha! I know the first week will be the hardest as we both learn to adjust to our new daily routine.  I can’t wait for the days when I pick him up at daycare and he is smiling and playing, and he sees me show up and he runs to be with open arms. No tears. That will make things easier. I  know that day will come, it will just take time. I need to give him time to adjust and trust that this is the best for everyone. It is a part of life. If all the other Mom’s in my situation can get through this, so can I. I just hope I don’t shed too many tears.

Call me a sook if you want…..I just call myself a Mom.

Hugs & Smiles,

Sonya

Taking a backseat

Hello!

Happy Friday!!

Once you become a mom, everything shifts in your life and you begin to care a little less about your own well being, and only about your baby (oh and your husband too, love you honey)! You take a backseat to your child. Do you know how many days pass where I don’t end up eating a decent meal throughout the day because I spend most of the time thinking about or preparing meals for my son? Spoonfuls of peanut butter and granola bars get me through the day. Half the time I forget to eat. I am too busy playing, changing a bum, feeding or getting him down for a nap. There is no time for gourmet meals let me tell ya! I have even caught myself sneaking cheerios and Mum Mums (yes, those plastic rice like cookies that babies eat) while waiting in line at WalMart. It’s never too early to teach your child about sharing, and that includes food right? Surprisingly, they don’t taste THAT bad (on an empty stomach). My husband, however, doesn’t think that a bowl of cheerios (with a spoonful of peanut butter for dessert) is an ideal supper. He does most of the cooking in my house (I HATE to cook and am not very good at it), so I gladly let him. Sadly, my son has a t-shirt that says ”I love Grilled Cheese” and the shirt is very accurate as he will probably be eating a lot of those sandwiches in his life. I should get a matching shirt.

One thing I still care enough to do for myself is catch a few extra zzz’s, when I can! It is funny, when A was a newborn, I tried the ”sleep when the baby sleeps” thing but it didn’t work for me. I couldn’t sit still long enough. I had to clean my now messy house, do laundry, prepare bottles or just watch TV. I wanted to feel like my old self again. Now that he is older, I realize how silly I was! Sleep is not overrated at all, it is awesome!! So the second he goes down for his morning nap, so does Mama. Most nights when he goes to bed, I am tempted to follow suit. I try to stay up for a couple of hours at least. I like to stay up until 9:30pm, so at least then I can say that I outlasted my Grandmother’s bedtime 😉  

Another item (on a long list) that you focus on when you have a baby is poop! That is something else that you concern yourself with once you become a Mother. Not your own poop of course, but your baby’s poop. All of a sudden you become obsessed with (well at least I did) talking about baby poop! My son had digestive issues from the day he was born, so it seemed natural to talk about the color, texture, consistency and frequency of his poop at the dinner table, to whoever would listen. All mom’s do it, we talk about and compare descriptions of our baby’s poop, just to make sure they are similar and there is nothing strange about what is coming out of our baby’s bodies. It just becomes such a normal issue to talk about! It may be something I should only talk to our family doctor about, but frankly, it is not.

Finally, something else that you tend to care less about (for yourself) when you have a baby is comfort. As long as A is comfortable, it doesn’t matter how I feel. He woke up with teeth pain in the middle of the night last night (or was it gas? who knows!!) and I cuddled with him on the couch. His head was buried into my armpit, my arm was asleep and I had an elbow digging into my ribcage. It was not at all comfortable for me, but it was for him and he was starting to fall back to sleep, so it didn’t matter. If him feeling no pain means me feeling it, well then that is all I can do about that. I stayed like that for at least 5 minutes before moving him back to his crib. Another time, on an airplane, I was crouched down in my seat, honestly my head was almost where my bottom was supposed to be, and A was sprawled across my belly, sound asleep. It was 20 minutes before landing and he had just fallen asleep after a long, delayed flight. I thought for sure my neck would snap off. Again, oh well! When the flight attendant walked by to make sure we were all in an upright position with seatbelts fastened, she quickly diverted her eyes and left us be. I wanted to hug her. I knew that if she turned a blind eye like that, she must have been a mother.

Motherhood is about putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own….in a completely different way than you would for any other person on the planet. I may not always have a full belly, be fully rested or even comfortable, but I can promise you one thing, that just means that my son is.

Hugs & Smiles

Sonya

What to expect

This past weekend I went to a movie with a friend (see, I DO get out of the house)! We are both new moms so we thought it would be fun to go see the movie ‘What to expect when you are expecting’, which is based on the book with the same name. I have the book, and I will recommend that every pregnant woman buy it. Seriously, I would have carried it around in my purse if it wasn’t so heavy. It answered so many of my questions and concerns during pregnancy from what foods and medicines to avoid to what the common minor aches and pains associated with pregnancy are. You name it, it is in the book! Best book EVER! I even bought the ‘What to expect in the first year’ and it is the closest thing to a baby manual as you can get. I am hoping they come out with other editions up to and including ‘what to expect in the 18th year’ 😉 

Anyways, although I expected more laughs from the movie I did enjoy it. The story lines were good and it was something I could relate to seeing as it wasn’t that long ago I was pregnant. There is a scene in the movie where one of the moms, who had been trying 2 years to get pregnant, finally got pregnant and it wasn’t as glorious as she thought it would be. She wanted to have that glow, and not the sweat kind. The glow everyone talks about a pregnant woman having. There was one scene where she just broke down (in public) about how pregnancy sucks. It was hilarious!! It was so real….there is nothing glowing about hemorrhoids for example 😉 Another part of the movie I liked was that there were a group of stay at home dad’s who used to meet at the park with their babies in tow. One of the rules of the group was ‘no judgement’. The things they were doing with their babies were obviously extreme, but the no judgement rule overall I think is an important one. I have been guilty of it myself (judging other mothers) more so before I was a mom. I would hear of a mother doing something that I probably wouldn’t do (or thought I wouldn’t do) and comment how I would never do that, no matter what. I call BULLSHIT (a line stolen from the movie). Who was I to judge other mother’s for doing whatever it took to get their baby to stop crying, to sleep or to eat. I now realize that sometimes you just have to do what works. Especially at 3am when your baby won’t stop crying. Would I necessarily do what all other mothers do? No. But whatever works for them and whatever keeps their child healthy and happy is what matters and who am I to judge? Of course, if they are doing something neglectful than yes, sure, but for example if a mom is breastfeeding longer than I think necessary, what is it to me?? I worry about my own son and what works for him. Raising a child is not a competition either. Every child develops differently so you shouldn’t compare Sally to Joe, simply because they are the same age. It’s easy to do, but try not to.

Before I actually gave birth I used to HATE watching labor & delivery scenes in movies or on TV. I will never forget the movie Knocked Up, where they actually show the baby ‘crowning’. I almost passed out in the movie theatre. Someone should have warned me! Seriously! Anyways, since I have been through it myself I figured those scenes wouldn’t bother me anymore. Heck, was I wrong!! There were a few labor scenes in the movie (but no crowning scene, thank god!!!) and I was so squirmish. I even caught myself turning away from the screen, having flash backs to when I was in labor. It was the longest 5 minutes of the movie. Just like in real life, the moment the baby was in the mother’s arms I had tears in my eyes, ready to spill. Those scenes also affect me more now too, because I have also been through that not too long ago.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. Again, I love that book. It is broke down by month so you can read along as you progress week to week to see ‘what your body should be feeling and is experiencing’ and how big the baby is. It really does tell you what to expect…..when you are expecting. It does it’s best to prepare you for the best thing that will ever happen to you. Money well spent in my mind.

Hugs & Smiles,

Sonya

ME Time!

Hi!

Happy Monday!

Sorry I haven’t been blogging for the past few days but I have been busy with our in-laws visiting. Busy, as in I have been trying to take time for myself, taking advantage of the help. It can be hard having no family around in the sense that I feel like A is missing out on knowing his family.  But it is also hard work not having support. It is also all I have ever known so I don’t have anything to compare it to. Having my mother- in-law here to get up with Aiden in the morning, to help feed him, watch him while I go out and simply to have a new face to entertain him has been super!

One thing I don’t do enough of is take time for myself. It is hard when I don’t have a relative to call and ask to come watch A on short notice so I can run an errand. It is also hard when you don’t have your best friends close by to visit and chat with (in person). When my husband is home, I try to get in as much family time as possible, so we run errands and hang out as a family. But I sometimes forget that I need to make time for myself too. Not Mommy, but Sonya. I need to get out on my own, let my hubby care for the baby and leave the house. Perhaps I should go for a walk, or I could spice things up and walk the aisles of the drugstore aimlessly or go to the mall and buy myself something! The point is to spend some time alone, without the baby. It is good for me. It is good for ALL mothers!

Last night, while the in-laws were here, my husband and I hopped in the car and went for a drive and stopped for ice cream. It felt sooooooooooo strange being out without A.  Almost like we forgot something. But at the same time, it felt like old times. It was nice to get a break. We’ve gone one a few dates since he was born, but not many. Again, it is hard when you don’t have family to depend on to babysit. Our dates are usually us sitting on the couch watching a movie (aka me falling asleep). It’s really romantic 😉 haha. We went out on a date about a month ago and I got  dressed up…..I think my hubby was surprised to see my out of my comfy pants 😉 haha! I am sorry, but this Mommy does not wear jeans around the house. I’d like to meet one mom who does.

Well one more day until the in-laws leave……I hear a manicure calling my name for tomorrow! Might as well pamper myself seeing as I work so hard 😉

Hugs & Smiles

Sonya

p.s. I realize after re-reading this post that to an outsider I am making myself sound like someone who has no social life, who wanders creepily around drugstores wearing jogging pants. That is not the case. I don’t think it is…. Oh shit, is it??? LOL

Change (the one consistent thing in life)

Hello!

Life is all about change. Something I have never handled very well. Even when I was younger and I would change the furniture in my room around, just for a change, I could never sleep the first night because I wasn’t used to the new location of my bed. But you adapt. You don’t always have a choice. Like when you have a baby.

My sister and I always joke about how babies should be born with a manual. They should also send out memos when they are going to change things up and interrupt our schedules, whether it be for teething, a growth spurt or just for fun! A heads up would always be nice 😉

I am all about routine and always have been. I quickly learned that once you have a baby, there is no such thing. Not really. Not 100%. Not at this age anyways. Things still seem to change fairly regularly, even thought I try my best to keep things consistent. It seemed to be working because over the past few weeks Aiden has been on a pretty regular schedule. He was waking (bedtime is almost always the same, give or take a half hour), eating and napping at pretty much the same time each day. It was awesome! I could make plans at certain times of the day because I knew whether Aiden would be awake or not (if you are a parent of a small baby, you know this isn’t always an easy thing to do. Make lunch plans for 1pm and you are asking for your child to need a 1pm nap time that day). But of course, since last weekend he has changed things up, messing with our routine. He is teething pretty hard and it has affected everything from his mood to his sleep. At least that is what I blame it on, teething! He is waking up at night, which is pretty strange for him. We had an episode back in January where he suffered from what the doctors thought were night terrors (pretty scary, don’t wanna relive that month), but now he wakes in the middle of the night, in what seems like pain, and once we calm him down enough to go back to bed he decides he hates his crib and doesn’t want to go back to sleep. He just wants to be up in my arms. This results in being up for an hour, sometimes 2. Anyways, that has been my life for the past 4 nights. My husband works overnights so 3 of the 4 nights I was alone. Makes for a cranky and tired mommy. Not so much baby. He wakes up in the morning and is all geared to play. He used to sit and play in his crib for 20 minutes or so before I’d go to him but now the second he is awake, he lets me know. Again, another change! AHHH! Things change by the day it seems. I keep wondering if tomorrow will be the day where he’ll revert back to his ‘old’ fairly predictable routine of last week! Fingers crossed! Or perhaps this is his new normal….well even if it is, I am sure he’ll change things up in a little while. He is definitely not boring (and most definitely is cute). I guess it is all up to him. He is the boss. He makes the rules. I learned that early too

It’s inevitable. Life is all about change.  I just wish there was a memo so I could plan for it 😉

Hugs & smiles,

Sonya

 

Matter of Time

It is May 16th….which means it is one month away from my little guy’s 1st birthday!!! I can’t believe it. It is funny, I spent 29 years without him in my life and now, only 11 months old, I can’t imagine my life without him. I remember the day like it was yesterday, the moment I finally understood the love a parent has for their child. It really is a love unlike any other. You honestly can’t even understand it until you have a baby. It is so powerful. He is the best thing that has happened to me and my husband.

I fell in love long before A was actually born. I fell in love on October 17, 2011, the day I found out I was pregnant. Again, seems like yesterday! My husband and I didn’t waste any time, we got pregnant the second we even entertained the idea. I didn’t love being pregnant, I won’t lie. Well, I didn’t mind the first few months, but by 6 months I was counting the days until the baby was born. How come the last 11 months passed in the blink of an eye but the 40 weeks of pregnancy seemed to pass rather slowly? I remember arguing with my OBGYN about how far along I was …..if I was 27 weeks and 4 days and he said I was 27 weeks and 2 days, I would correct him or argue with him. He laughed. He was a man, he didn’t get it 😉 Looking back, what difference did those 2 days make? The baby was going to come when he was ready. I just liked the idea of being farther along and closer to my due date.

I handled the whole idea of pregnancy better than I thought. A mere three years ago I was still in that ”pregnant women gross me out’ stage. The idea of having a baby growing inside my body just freaked me out. I thought it was unnatural and alien. I didn’t want to touch pregnant bellies or heaven forbid see a small foot shape appear through the skin of anybody’s belly. No way. And when I thought about how that alien actually left your body? Well that was just an instant panic attack. I really didn’t think I would be able to do it. No way!!! Not happening….science would have to figure out another way for me to deliver a baby. I’d wait. haha. Anyways, I did it (without the epidural I begged for but was unable to get!!) and the sheer motivation for me, the thing that made all the pain (that you never forget, no matter what anyone says) worth it was my little boy. I couldn’t wait to meet him. I waited 9 long months for him and I will never forget holding him in my arms for the first time. My first thought?? “Holy shit I am gonna drop him.” I was soooooo high on morphine and so tired from hours of pushing that I really didn’t trust my body to hold him. Thinking back I was in a bit of a fog. But I will never forget his little face. No matter how old he gets, I will still see that image in my mind every time I close my eyes. My boy. My love.

So the 9 months of pregnancy didn’t really pass by in the blink of an eye (or maybe it did, but it didn’t seem to at the time), but the last 11 months certainly did. My little newborn is now an adorable little infant who eats real food, says a few words and is well on his way to walking. Wow! Time flies. Everyday is something different with him, it truly is amazing.

It’s almost time to have another one and do it all over again! ha! Not really, but I guess it is just a matter of time.

Hugs & Smiles,

Sonya